Men (a.k.a. Testosterone Based Lifeforms)

Men, otherwise known as "Testosterone Based Lifeforms" by a friend of mine... They are great fathers. But, somethings always makes me scratch my head. Take my husband. He watches the kids and generally does a good job. No one is killed, severely injured, poisoned, etc. However, when it comes to noticing what the kids are doing, well, there are times when that's a bit suspect. I blame the TV. Alright him too, because if he didn't turn on the TV he wouldn't be so mesmerized by it and would pay more attention to the kids. The oldest will inevitably put something into his mouth only to hear me ask, "what are you eating?" His father will reply nothing then look and see the kid is chewing something. At which point the race is on. Can we get to the kid before the object is swallowed. In one instance this included a piece of a small Nurf football. Had the kid choked he would have died since the piece was large enough to enter the air ways and get stuck. Fortunately, that didn't happen and I was able to get the piece of Nurf out of his mouth. Apparently my husband didn't know that Nurf anything should not be given to small children. He knows now!

Then there is his idea of clean and mine. His idea of clean is that as long as the dishes aren't in the sink and the pots and pans are put away the kitchen is clean. My idea of clean is as follows: Sink and counter tops are debris free, wiped down and sanitized on a regular basis. The floor is swept and mopped. The dishes are put away, the dishwasher is run when needed (daily with small children) and the refrigerator periodically gone through to throw out all old/rotten food.

So this brings up a sanity issue. As a general rule you dump raw meat juice down the sink. Inevitably it splashes up the sides and occasionally in the process gets onto the counter tops. Well not only is the baby bathed in the kitchen sink (in a baby tub), but the bottles are dried next to the same sink. I find this to be a problem but my husband thinks I'm a "germ-a-phobe". That might be, to a point, but I happen to know all the bad things that like to live in raw meat. If things aren't cleaned prior to other uses they have a tendency to spread. It just so happens that my husband (who cleans nipples every night) likes to do so in the sink that has had the stuff in it that isn't sanitized or washed with hot water & soap prior to this use.

Many an argument/ discussion has taken place about this including presenting a couple magazine articles to back up my position. To which my husband throws up his hands in disgust and states "that's right, I'm an idiot". Not once did I say that, but did I ever want to. Yes I could wash the nipples every night, but damn it it's about time he do something for the kids other than give the older one a bath at night. So now when he washes the nipples he does so in the bowl that I put all the dirty nipples into through out the day. A much more sanitary way of doing business.

If you are ever home during the day with the kid(s) you will notice a few things:
1) You can deal with the incessant whining, crying and nagging the children give you until your spouse comes home. At which point you want nothing more than silence and a conversation with an adult.
2) What bothers you at night will not bother your spouse much if at all. This might have something to do with having to listen to the same thing over and over again all day long. Since your spouse hasn't been at home all during the day, this is all new.
3) Children, like adults get very cranky before bed, when hungry or if they aren't feeling well. Combine any or all those things together and you have a recipe made in hell. That being the case, warn your spouse prior to his/her arrival home. Should this be sprung on them they will be worse than the child. At which point all you want to do is run away and let them deal with it on their own. However this couldn't be a worse idea. Add a crank to a crank. What do you get? Hell on wheels. All they manage to do is piss each other off more and more until one of them snaps. The person who snaps is usually the spouse and then the child won't eat, sleep, or stop crying. Nor will the child want anything to do with the father and therefore be up your ass like it's nobodies business. Not fun!

There Are Times When...

There are times when being a parent you wish you could do something to have a little fun with your children but don't dare because you will pay for it after. This has nothing to do with corporal punishment. I'm referring to the times when your children do something and being the sarcastic / cynical person that you are, your first response must be held back. For instance:

When you have the option to either let your child remain sleeping in the car seat or transfer her to her crib, let her sleep in the car seat. Have you ever heard of the saying "let sleeping dogs lie"? Case in point... Murphy's law would dictate that as soon as you move your baby to the crib she will wake up and immediately begin crying and carrying on like the world was coming to an end. Then after 20 minutes of scrambling to figure out what is wrong you determine that she is hungry. You feed her expecting her to go right back to sleep only to have her wide awake and expecting you to hold her, play with her or otherwise keep her occupied for the next few hours.

Children being children will ultimately get into something at some point during the day. That having been said it's expected when your toddler manages to get into the Tupperware drawer and throw the entire contents on the floor. However, when you are taking a shower and leave the children with their father you don't expect to have a knock on the glass from a little person who would like to watch the water fall on you because water is the greatest thing in the world, while holding his father shoe. Once you get the startled, bewildered look off your face, you should not begin to play with the child by throwing water onto the glass. All this does is encourage the child to do this more often and you can't get it to stop with out battle.

Inevitably the poop filled diaper will stink up the babies room if not the whole house.
While dad is changing the poop filled diaper and from the depths of the house you hear "No...Not the pelvic thrusts..." your immediate reaction is to laugh. Knowing that the baby has just lifted his rear end off the table then let it fall back to the, table at least once, while the poopy diaper is still on thus spreading poop out the top of the diaper and all over the changing table. Laughing is definitely not the right reaction. All it does is encourage baby to do this more often and frustrate dad even more. However it is incredibly funny!

When your child is going through the stage where everything is going into his mouth, be sure that you don't laugh when they decide to put something in their mouth. Regardless of how cute or hysterical it is. For instance when the oldest decided to come out scooting (yes, somehow managing hopping on his butt) with a stuffed dog in his mouth by the ear don't laugh. All that did was encourage the act and put more stuff in the mouth.

If you have ever heard that once you have children you will get no peace, well, that's no exaggeration. When I'm at home with the kids and need to go to the bathroom closing the door is not an option. Should I do so the oldest will sit outside the door wailing like a crazy person until I come out. So leaving the door seems the only logical option to save one's eardrums. This only means that the oldest will not only come into the bathroom while I'm on the toilet, but try and get you to play or bring things for you to look at. As you can imagine, it's a little disconcerting to know that you can't even take a dump in peace. Aha yes, separation anxiety, what a lovely stage.

The Sona Pillow

For those of you who have never heard of the Sona Pillow, it was something I read about in Prevention Magazine from their February 2007 issue (I saved the article I read about 3 months ago). It's also called the snore-stopping pillow. It was developed by a Harvard-trained neurologist and it's designed to tilt your head and open your airways while sleeping. Patients studied have shown a reduction in sleep interruptions from 17 to 5. Oh, it's also FDA approved. So I took a look at the website to purchase one for my husband (www.sonapillow.com).

According to the article it sells for $69.99. When I went to the website tonight it states that Brookstone is now their exclusive selling partner. This is apparently due to overwhelming demand. So I clicked on the link to Brookstone and discovered the pillow is not selling for $69.99 but for $129.00. Plus they want an additional $20.00 for the pillowcase. I was so furious that I emailed Brookstone customer service and told them how it was unfair that an article states the price for the pillow is $69.99 and they are selling it for $129.00 plus $20.00 for the pillowcase. The last thing I stated in the email was "Dare I call this false advertising?". Please feel free to contact Brookstone Customer Service at customerservice@brookstone.com.

I'm sure they are not going to care that someone is not happy with the price and is not going to purchase the pillow as a result. It's also a shame that no one reads this blog because if people did Brookstone might pay attention to what the little guys has to say. Alas, I'm just one person who with any luck will receive a response from Brookstone, but I doubt that will happen. Should anything come of the email I sent today, to Brookstone, I'll let you know.

It just so happens that I was checking my email and I received an automatic response from Brookstone Customer Service and they are going to look into my inquiry and will get back to me as quickly as possible.

Sex After Baby?

As you are probably well aware, there is nothing pretty about childbirth. I now know why men were to wait outside during childbirth in the old days. Once my husband saw our first child born I thought for sure we would never have sex again. That is until we had sex in December of last year and this September our second child was born. Yes, Sure-Shot has met and married Fertile Myrtle. What a bad combination if you are done having children.

Now I'd like you to think I'm the ultimate prude, but that isn't the case. Sex is something I really enjoy with my husband. He apparently doesn't mind either since one of his New Years resolutions for 2007 was to please me as often as I wished (which can be often). As he would say, he did his job so well our second child was born in September. Generally this wouldn't be a problem, but since I've been pregnant for the better part of the last 2 years, I'm paranoid that I will get pregnant again. I know that mentally and physically my body can't handle being pregnant right now and needs a couple years to get back on track again. You can imagine what happens next. "Not right now honey, I have a headache". Just kidding but if the paranoia doesn't kill the mood then the lack of sleep takes care of that.

Yes there is protection that can be used. Since my hormones are so messed up right now the pill and any female surgery (hysterectomy, tubal ligation, etc.) is out. I need to let the status quo come back to normal before I start screwing around with my hormones again (no pun intended). IUD's are out on principle and condoms work when used and if they don't break. This leads to abstinence. What a bummer that is. What's the point in being married if you are afraid of having sex because you don't want to get pregnant? And to think there are couples out there who can only dream of being in a situation where they can get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

The last option is to have my husband get snipped. I see no problem with this. We would be able to have sex as often as we want and not have to worry about what happens 40 weeks later. It's an outpatient procedure that takes next to no time and has few side affects. The only problem is that my husband is too afraid to do it. Interesting how it's alright for me to pass 9 lb bowling balls from between my legs but he can't have 2 minor cuts made? What a double standard that is and it's pissing me off!!!

Would you be able to tell from this that my husband doesn't want any more children? We love the children we have but 2 is more than enough for both of us. They call them Irish Twins. It's really difficult right now since they are both babies, but it is supposed to get easier in a couple years. We'll see, but that's a couple years away and right now it's tough.

If you have any ideas please pass them along. I'm more than willing to listen.

Trust Your Gut!!!

It's Christmas night about 11:30 pm. I walk into the kids room to check on them, something I do periodically, and trip over the cord to the electric heater. Generally not a big deal but I begin to hear a very quiet hissing noise that almost sounds like someone welding two things together from somewhere off in the distance. I move around the room to try and determine the location of the hissing noise and decide it's coming from behind one of the dressers. That happens to be the outlet where the heater is plugged in. So I decide to turn off the heater. Once I do the sound disappears. But then before I leave the room I get a bug up my ass to unplug the heater. Why I'm not sure but I just want to do it, have to do it. You know that little voice deep inside your head that tells you when you're being a jack ass or that you really need to do something? That little voice told me to unplug the heater.

Now I'm on a mission to unplug the heater from the outlet. Since it's behind the dresser this proves to be a much larger challenge than just reaching behind a piece of furniture to unplug it. This dresser is heavy and difficult to maneuver since it's between two other pieces of furniture. I'm able to move the dresser enough to see what I'm dealing with. The plug doesn't look good. It's partially out of the socket and the cord is in some very bad angle. In fact it can't be seen until it's on top of the plug. I'm not an engineer but this can't be good. Now I really need to remove the plug if for no other reason to put it in another location. Eventually I'm able to move the dresser out enough to get behind it and pull out the plug.

When I look at it with the flashlight it looks bad. One of the prongs is black at the base where it enters the plastic. When I'm able to wake my husband and tell him what happened, and we move the dresser back into place, I bring the heater into the family room where I'm able to look at the plug closely. Not only was the prong blackened at the base, but it looks like the blackened portion was originating from the inside out. The gray plastic surrounding the prong turned various shades of brown and had begun to melt. The discoloration extended to the outside of the plastic plug and appeared to be heading toward the cord itself. It had not covered the head where the prongs stick out but it may have done so given more time. Since I heard the hissing for less than a minute before turning off the heater, gulp...

Holy Crap!! What would have happened if I left the room and didn't listen to my gut telling me I needed to unplug the cord? What if I didn't have such sensitive hearing and I didn't hear the hissing? What if I had given up trying to unplug the cord when I had trouble moving the dresser? It frightens me to think that a fire could have taken the lives of my most precious gifts. Was my husband correct when he said I probably saved our lives tonight? Who knows.
Am I over reacting? I hope so, but something tells me that things could have been really ugly tonight if I had not unplugged the heater.

The bottom line is this: If that little voice is telling you to do something LISTEN!!! You never know what will happen. I can only hope this helps someone.

I hope you had a Merry Christmas and continue to do so for many years to come!

Holiday Gifts for Baby

With the recent problems with lead tainted toys for children it makes a person scratch their head and wonder what do I purchase for the little ones for the holidays? The solution for my friends and family has been to purchase clothing, books, videos, and the ever useful gift card. Since all the children I am buying for have more toys than they can count, don't need any furniture or accessories but love to read, color, and watch kids television shows then the solution was a rather easy one. Clothing, books and videos. With the occasional box of crayons here and there.

I realize that when I was growing up lead based paint was all that existed at the time and not only did we chew on the painted items in our room and the toys but we also inhaled the dust and other lead based particles that were in the house. But for some reason what is taking place today seems much worse. It could be that so many items are being recalled. Or maybe that the amount of lead in the items is so high. What about all the other items we use that are toxic and we don't even know it. Take for instance the chemical that is used to soften plastic, Phthalate (there are 6 of them)? It's in the nipples of bottles, toys, cribs, etc. Shouldn't we be concerned with that as well? Apparently the state of California is. Funny, Europe has banned 3 of the chemicals in all children's toys and childcare articles as of 1999. See link for the article http://www.ens-newswire.com/ens/jul2005/2005-07-06-05.asp.

Who knows banning Phthalate might be a good thing. When you consider plastic is a petroleum derivative, if we cut down on it's use in any way that leaves more petroleum for gas and other items. Could this assist in lowering the price of gas? Only wishful thinking on my part, but can you blame me?

Personally I think the big problem we are having with recalled toys is that there are few products available and that we are so concerned with quantity and keeping up with the Jones' that we are not willing to pay higher prices for fewer items. This is why we are manufacturing in China in the first place. As a society we want the best but aren't willing to pay for it. I'm no better. However I'm attempting to change that. I have begun to purchase fewer products at higher prices to help ensure my child's safety. Will it work, I don't know, but I have to hope that any change for the better is a step in the right direction.

What to Give the person who has everything...

One day my sister-in-law and I were talking and she asked for my opinion on what to give her cousin who is going to have a baby but has more money than she can count. My suggestion was to give her a gift that consisted of items that are must-haves but everyone either forgets to tell you about or doesn't know about. So the list of items began:

- TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING!!! (when it comes to thinking something isn't right, including advise).

- Mylicon (anti-gas).

- Tylenol (for 2 mo and up).

- Gripe Water (amazing for gas, colic and stomach upsets).

- Book: Smart Medicine for a Healthy Child (reference book listing conventional, herbal, homeopathy treatments along with nutritional supplements, recommendations and prevention for just about anything you can think of).

- Bottle warmer.

-Corn Starch (for diaper rash, instead of baby powder which contains fragrance and other chemicals). Don't use talc. It gets into the babies lungs.

- Rice cereal (a life saver when your baby can't eat enough food).

- Don't purchase a base for your infant car seat. Waste of money.

- Jogging stroller (if you plan on doing any walking, running, rollerblading with baby).

- Don't think breastfeeding is the only way. Formula is a great thing even if it's only used to supplement breastfeeding. This comes in handy since it stays with the baby longer than breast milk and can assist with better sleeping at night.

- If your child is Colicy check his/her diet. My children had a milk protein allergy (very common). Key signs are little weight gain, incredibly bad smelling poop, pooping very often and always being hungry. Special non-milk based formula was required because my milk dried up while trying to remove all milk/dairy from my diet. They also had acid reflux (very common). Key signs are bubbling at the mouth and gulping air to keep acid down. Something you will notice more often when they are getting hungry and while sleeping.