Men (a.k.a. Testosterone Based Lifeforms)

Men, otherwise known as "Testosterone Based Lifeforms" by a friend of mine... They are great fathers. But, somethings always makes me scratch my head. Take my husband. He watches the kids and generally does a good job. No one is killed, severely injured, poisoned, etc. However, when it comes to noticing what the kids are doing, well, there are times when that's a bit suspect. I blame the TV. Alright him too, because if he didn't turn on the TV he wouldn't be so mesmerized by it and would pay more attention to the kids. The oldest will inevitably put something into his mouth only to hear me ask, "what are you eating?" His father will reply nothing then look and see the kid is chewing something. At which point the race is on. Can we get to the kid before the object is swallowed. In one instance this included a piece of a small Nurf football. Had the kid choked he would have died since the piece was large enough to enter the air ways and get stuck. Fortunately, that didn't happen and I was able to get the piece of Nurf out of his mouth. Apparently my husband didn't know that Nurf anything should not be given to small children. He knows now!

Then there is his idea of clean and mine. His idea of clean is that as long as the dishes aren't in the sink and the pots and pans are put away the kitchen is clean. My idea of clean is as follows: Sink and counter tops are debris free, wiped down and sanitized on a regular basis. The floor is swept and mopped. The dishes are put away, the dishwasher is run when needed (daily with small children) and the refrigerator periodically gone through to throw out all old/rotten food.

So this brings up a sanity issue. As a general rule you dump raw meat juice down the sink. Inevitably it splashes up the sides and occasionally in the process gets onto the counter tops. Well not only is the baby bathed in the kitchen sink (in a baby tub), but the bottles are dried next to the same sink. I find this to be a problem but my husband thinks I'm a "germ-a-phobe". That might be, to a point, but I happen to know all the bad things that like to live in raw meat. If things aren't cleaned prior to other uses they have a tendency to spread. It just so happens that my husband (who cleans nipples every night) likes to do so in the sink that has had the stuff in it that isn't sanitized or washed with hot water & soap prior to this use.

Many an argument/ discussion has taken place about this including presenting a couple magazine articles to back up my position. To which my husband throws up his hands in disgust and states "that's right, I'm an idiot". Not once did I say that, but did I ever want to. Yes I could wash the nipples every night, but damn it it's about time he do something for the kids other than give the older one a bath at night. So now when he washes the nipples he does so in the bowl that I put all the dirty nipples into through out the day. A much more sanitary way of doing business.

If you are ever home during the day with the kid(s) you will notice a few things:
1) You can deal with the incessant whining, crying and nagging the children give you until your spouse comes home. At which point you want nothing more than silence and a conversation with an adult.
2) What bothers you at night will not bother your spouse much if at all. This might have something to do with having to listen to the same thing over and over again all day long. Since your spouse hasn't been at home all during the day, this is all new.
3) Children, like adults get very cranky before bed, when hungry or if they aren't feeling well. Combine any or all those things together and you have a recipe made in hell. That being the case, warn your spouse prior to his/her arrival home. Should this be sprung on them they will be worse than the child. At which point all you want to do is run away and let them deal with it on their own. However this couldn't be a worse idea. Add a crank to a crank. What do you get? Hell on wheels. All they manage to do is piss each other off more and more until one of them snaps. The person who snaps is usually the spouse and then the child won't eat, sleep, or stop crying. Nor will the child want anything to do with the father and therefore be up your ass like it's nobodies business. Not fun!